The Thing We Don’t Want to Do

I’m going to say something people don’t want to hear, and want to do even less, myself included. But if you don’t have one, and even if you do, you should create or review a living will and/or an advance directive, assign a health surrogate, make sure they know who they are and what your wishes are, and of course do a last will and testament.

It’s not fun to do. But think of it as the greatest gift to your family. There is so much evidence of the nightmares that can happen to families when they fight over the last wishes or the property of loved ones who have passed. Having something in place that makes it clear what you want also takes the burden off of whoever you put down as a health surrogate, so that they are not having to make the decision, but rather, they know they are doing what you want and they are just making sure it happens for you.

If there has ever been a time more appropriate to do this, it’s now. You don’t have anything better to do, most likely. If you do have something better to do, it means you’re more at risk because you’re probably going to work. In which case it’s twice as important that you do this. If you have life insurance, make sure somebody knows it exists and where to get it. If you want someone in your family or anyone else to have access to social media or anything else, I would recommend making sure there is access to passwords somewhere that can be provided upon your death.*

This is one of those things you hope never to need, but if you need it, it will be a godsend to the people who benefit from it. kind of like vehicle insurance. You hope never to need it, but you always want to have it just in case. And if you end up needing it, you are grateful you had it.

Just my thought for the day. Clearly a rainbows and sunshine kind of day. 😂

But seriously folks, just take a day out, think about what your wishes would be, and do it. Look up a list of important things to consider in an advance directive. And I really don’t recommend assigning a health care surrogate without an advance directive. That seems so unfair to me. It’s a lot to put on someone. and remember that if you have an assigned a health care surrogate, somebody will still be assigned that job for you, and without an advance directive, unless they already know what you want, you are still leaving that burden on them.

Just do it. And then be happy that when your time comes people will be able to focus on themselves and getting through and not having to worry about petty arguments. And trust me, there is one in every family.

*One idea is to put your passwords into an app, and if you have a trusted friend, especially who doesn’t live in the state, give that trusted friend the password to your phone/computer, and that specific app, and have them contact your loved one upon your death to give them these passwords. They can then use them to access all of the other passwords. This will save a lot of headaches.

There is also a legacy option on Facebook, so that upon your death someone can take control of your account, but then it becomes a memory page and I’m not sure for how long. I don’t like that, so I just keep the password in my app so someone can go into mine and let people such as my support groups know. There are people I value greatly, that nobody in my life would know to contact if something happened. This is the age of the Internet. We have many circles. These were was just a couple of ideas. Explore others. Do what’s best for you. But do something. Because doing nothing is also a choice, and it is one that comes at a great cost to the family you leave behind.


  1. Great reminders!! I was just looking at my friends list on Facebook today and realizing how many of my friends have passed. Some of the loved ones deleted their deceased person’s page and others are still posting and tagging their loved ones. As someone left behind, I do enjoy continuing to see memories shared and the friends remembered. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t understand why they would remove the page. He was putting something nasty there. Josh passed just before Facebook was a thing, but I created a page for him so that we could tag him in memories for the kids. Which is why I don’t like the legacy thing. Some of the family have written to him as a message as a way of feeling like they were actually talking to him. People have posted on his page as if they were talking to him. People have shared pictures we didn’t have. Even after 20 years, there is always something new somebody hasn’t seen. And every time, it’s a blessing. It’s nice that even though he’s not here, when I post something special about Madison or Ashley, I can tag him. Knowing that somewhere he sees us. And tagging him really isn’t the reason why, but it makes me feel good to be able to include his name and memory where it should be, on his daughters post.

      I’m so grateful for social media and how much more we can leave of ourselves for our children. There is not a lot I have of Josh for Madison because it was just at the age when my space existed just before social media really took off. And now I’ve lost several pictures from the fire. And the video tape. I was devastated by that. Which is why I hope somebody will go into my social media page and still maybe post some of my memories for me, or will tag me in memories. My daughter recently told me how she feels that when I’m gone, her whole family will be gone. So any memory anyone has with me that they ever post, maybe one of the only chance she has to feel like she has a family, even if only in memory.

      Sounds like it’s time for a little tear fest for me. 😥 It was so little of time ago that this was so far away from our minds. It would be nice to go back and live even one day not knowing. 😞

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I’m sorry you are seeing so many people lost. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. We’ve lost some, but you definitely have a larger group of people and therefore are losing a bigger group of people. Like you said, the cost is worth it, right? To have had the good with them? I’ve seen people disappear when they find out somebody is going to lose their lives. They can’t watch it. But I cherish every second I have left. It is well worth the cost. There can’t be a great grief without great love. ♥️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I completely agree. Engaging with terminal patients can be devastating; at the same time, my life would be so much poorer without those amazing souls. ❤️


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